Attracted to someone

I’m attending a yoga retreat with a group. I’m very aware of one guy here, I know where he is at any time. I like him, I want to be next to him, and I’m fantasizing about having a love story with him. This is not what I really want because I’m married. This is something I have been doing all the time since I was a teenager. Last week I was doing it with another guy. I want to be friends with those people. I wonder where it comes from, I guess it is a way to escape some of the frustrations of my married life. It’s a habit I’m used to, it’s pleasurable to fantasize about loving someone new, or it could be some formatting of our patriarchal society.

C: yoga retreat
T: he is cute
F: charmed
A: search where he is at any time, look for his qualities, list what I like about him, sit next to him, fantasize about having a love story with him
R: I create a romantic connection in my head with this man

C: yoga retreat
T: this is ok to be attracted to men
F: accepting
A: observe myself, don’t beat myself up, breathe, process my feelings
R: I accept this part of my personality

C: yoga retreat
T: ultimately I know I want to be friends with him
F: conscious
A: ask myself what I want, evoke my husband, don’t get lost in my romantic fantasy, focus on yoga
R: I come back to reality