Autism Mama = Stressed & Burnt Out

Hi Coaches,
I am a mother of a 5yo little boy that has been diagnosed with Autism in early 2018. I have some terrible thoughts about this and have been “battling” this ever since. I don’t want to feel this way, but I’m having troubles seeing through all the mud. I have a lot of built up anger and grief I need to address. Will you please help me with my models? I want to coach other mothers in the same position in life as I, but I don’t even know how to address it within myself.

C: Max has autism and developmental growth delay
C: Family tells me to “shake it off, it’s not that bad”
C: Max went out the front door and down two houses to the neighbors we didn’t know.
C: I don’t get to have a “normal” family

T: He has no recollection of danger or consequences to his actions.
T: Taking him on a vacation is impossible; it’s not routine and would become a nightmare
T: They have no idea what it’s like to constantly be in a state of alert (fight or flight)
T: I wish Max understood basic social skills, it would make my life so much easier.
T: We are a burden to everyone
T: I don’t trust anyone else to watch him other than a select few people.
T: I don’t want Max to get hurt and me not be there.
T: It’s getting harder to handle, the bigger he gets.
T: I can’t even take him to the store without him having a melt down over something minimal.

F: Overwhelmed
F: Anger/Hurt
F: Sorrow – (I feel all of these feelings together a lot – it’s a heavy ball in my throat suffocating me & draining my energy)
F: Nauseous
F: Irritable
F: Isolated
F: Exhausted
F: Stressed
F: Burnt Out

A: I cry, a lot.
A: I’m shaky
A: My fight or flight “mode” is on constant alert.
A: I don’t leave my home much.
A: I don’t get to enjoy the company of others like I used to.

R: My body is chronically stressed and fatigued
R: I have lost the physical mobility to participate in crossfit and run long distances.
R: We stay home to avoid the over-stimulating environments (everywhere)
R: I’m lonely
R: I lash out at my husband/dog/son/mom/whoever is there when my tolerance for the day is gone.
R: Medicate and go to bed.

C: Max has autism
T: There’s nothing to this – he’s my “normal” child.
T: This is easy.

F: light hearted
F: Happy
F: Confident
F: Invincible

A: Run and participate in crossfit to burn off any stress from the day.
A: Go to all events/vacations we’d like to participate in
A: Let go and stop being a people pleaser

R: I am happy and healthy again.
R: We enjoy being around others and family.
R: I have more energy to be the mother I want to be.

Thank you Coaches. XOXO
Please help me find the questions I need to ask myself in order to work through these terrible thoughts and be at peace again.