Automatic behaviours


I have automatic responses to situations in life, linked to “negative anchors” reminding me of negative situations in my life (agressions in the street, people yelling at me). My brain has automatic responses of being alert, overfocused, sometimes agressive, when I see some things that remind me of the agressions. It has diminished since 3 years, thanks to emdr therapy, I used to be panicked in the streets and at work, not being able to focus on my work and being exshauted at the end of the day. I am much better now, but I still feel a lot of anxiety.

One of my thoughts is that I Don’t know if I will completely heal some day.
I don’t know if I can manage to control my thoughts on purpose. I try to use the model and praticing new thoughts (“I am in a safe country, I will protect myself and my family no matter what, etc.”), but it doesn’t quite work so far.
I haven’t found the thoughts that would make me feel secure, normal and happy on a regular basis.

UM :
C. A man next to me in the train.
T. I am afraid, I can’t manage to focus my attention elsewhere, I am thinking of him during the 3 hours Journey, I am on my guards, it will never ends
F. anxiety, desperate
A. Overfocused
R. Man sees I am weird, I am tired, shameful not to be normal

IM :
C. Man in the train.
T. There are people around me. I have time to read and do something else during the Journey
F. Happy to read and use Journey time to do Something for me.
A.Focused on my reading.
R. Used positively the train Journey, did not thought about the environment.

Another model is :
C. Psychologica problems / conditions since several years
T. I will never quite recover, I can’t manage my brain sometimes, I will never be the same as these other happy women
F. Tired, giving up
A. I continue to try to improve but am not sure what to try next
R. No total recovery.

I have improved my life since being in scholars, for instance in my relationship with my husband, I am much more deliberate.

My question is : can I succeed in managing my mind around my automatic behaviours, which are linked to what has been a much more serious issue ? I really feel helpless right now around my “condition” (recovering from Ptsd).

Thank you