Avoidant relationship patterns


I find myself buffering and think the feeling I do not want to feel is sadness, worthlessness.

I have been dating a man who I tried to talk to about getting off the app we met via and his answer was that “he would not be bothered about not dating other women”. He has been very polite and attentive when we meet, however, admitted to being scared of starting something new and it seems to me he has been holding back (emotionally). We do not meet as often as I would like and he is not calling me or saying loving, caring things (yet?). He said he would be scared to lose himself in a relationship . He would want to “take baby steps”.

I know having a manual is not useful. I do, however, want a bit more. I long for a loving relationship. I very much hope that this will grow and become “more” over time. I feel anxious that things won’t work out for he feels special to me. I took massive action and went on many, many dates over the course of two years until I met someone I really liked.

I try to feel what I know that I will be ok also / even if this relationship won’t work.

However, I think the feeling I have is more like not being (good) enough.

He has problems of his own that are not mine and that I am not responsible for. I know that. I did say that I would be open to go to counselling together sometimes as well or that he might benefit from talking to someone. I do take it personal though and sometimes feel like it is because of me being not worthy that he does not want to see me more often or even worse and he is lying about it all, fooling me.

I am usually just as avoidant in relationships and that for fear of being hurt. Now, I finally feel like I want something more.

So, I try to accept my negative feelings and process them. This feels very difficult.

Can you please help?