My father passed away on Sunday and although it was not a huge surprise, it’s obviously very sad. I am so grateful for a lot of things, but one of them right this very second is that our monthly topic is Mastering Emotional Balance. Doing models on my grief and allowing the sadness to just be has honestly been a lifesaver. I’m sure it will continue to be as the weeks come. So thank you for that.
And now to my question! Along with this grief and sadness, I’m having anxiety about the funeral itself because there will be two particular relatives there that, well, I have a lot of dramatic thoughts about for family reasons that are probably very boring to anyone reading this. I have been doing models and here are the two clearest:

Unintentional Thought:
C: Relatives are coming to funeral.
T: UGH! Oh man! Those two are crazy! I hope they don’t cause a scene! This will be so hard! UGH!
F: Anxiety
A: I spin out and overthink for the next two days.
R: No sleep, I’m a basket case at the funeral. (I almost typed “wedding,” which may explain why I’m not married.)

Intentional Thought:
C: Relatives are coming to the wedding.
T: The way that they grieve has nothing to do with me.
F. Neutral
A: I go about the business of helping my mother and myself for the next two days.
R: I’m a calmer person when the funeral actually happens.

I’d love to get to a more “positive” place about this, but I feel like this is about as far as I can go because it’s such a loaded situation for me. So getting to neutral feels about right.

Any thoughts and feedback are appreciated.