I recently found out that we will be having a boy. We already have 1 girl and 1 boy and my heart was set on having another girl. I have always wanted another girl since we started having kids. I know this is not within my control, of course. (Even though I have recently found out that you can do gender selection at some fertility clinics.) I have been doing many thought downloads on the topic and want to have some tools and thoughts that will help me not break down at the sight of any adorable baby girl clothing item or kid’s catalog, but I am struggling.
Here’s what they look like:
My dream has died, I didn’t want another boy, I should have stopped at 2 kids, I am going to put in tremendous effort for potentially little reward as boys generally don’t seem as close with their moms as girls do, I will always be 2nd to his wife’s family (I know I am way down the rabbit hole here), my daughter loves spending time with me and I love doing all the girlie things, my son is all daddy and literally says he doesn’t want mom around, I don’t enjoy typical boy activities, I don’t have any great examples of boys having loving and great relationships with their moms, I wish I could have got what I wanted (I try to argue reality here a little but don’t get very far), I am not excited about this (I know it’s because my thinking), I don’t want to do this, I wish my daughter had a sister connection, the bond with my daughter feels closer and different than my son. I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
I feel so guilty for having these feelings, but they are real because of all of these thoughts. I don’t even want to talk to people because they will say, oh, be glad you have a girl and your baby is healthy! Of course I agree with these, but am also wanting to sit with these feelings I’m having.
If I run a model
C: having a boy
T: insert any thought above
A: detach a little from son, not quite myself as a mom
R: relationships with all kids not what they could be.
C: having a boy
T: THIS is the problem- I don’t’ have good evidence to believe something new. All the typical, the universe has a plan! and this was meant to be! don’t help to lesson the sadness.
F: I’d like to feel hopeful, excited
A: happy and connected
R: great relationships with kids and baby.
Thanks for your help and not judging me about this!