Back Spasms: Help Letting go of “I Have a Back Issue” Story

I have experienced back spasms since my mid 20s (I’m 51 now). Three years ago there was one in particular that lasted weeks during which I was incapacitated – couldn’t crawl or walk due to the pain.

I’m just coming out of a smaller version of a spasm now. My thoughts around this “back issue” and what could happen again are causing me to feel incredible fear (and sometimes panic). Even if it’s NOT as bad as before (like right now), the thoughts still come.

Since that last episode, I’ve been in PT for three years and do exercises for my back every other day. And the truth is that 1.) my back is stronger now than it was, this spasm isn’t as bad as the one before, and 3.) instead of taking two weeks to heal I’m 3 days in and already feeling about 70% better.

But my thought is that “I’m just on the edge of something bad happening at any time.” [points to evidence of current back spasm]

Also in there is the thought “8 doctors and chiropractors so far don’t know know what’s going on or how to fix it.” And, “what the hell am I going to do when I”m older and this happens.” And the latest one is, “We have a giant new puppy. How am I going to have a crazy rambunctious dog with back spasms??”

I want to tell a different story because I know not only are those thoughts not helping, I totally see that they are making things worse. But man, do they feel completely true to me! I’m getting a little shaky and panicky right now since I’m saying them to myself as I write them.

My brain seems want to hold onto them. But I want to loosen their grip. Love some guidance.

Thanks so much.