Bad conscience

Hi coaches,

I am creating a lot of drama in my head around my workouts.

The thing is, I feel “addicted” to workout. I love the endorphines flowing through my body. I love to feel alive and vibrant. I love to feel strong and powerful. I love connecting with the other people in the Gym.

Therefore, I go to the Gym aprox. 5 times a week.

The bad thing is, I am enjoying it less and less because of the drama in my head.

I have such a bad conscience to spend so much time in the Gym. I feel I should stay at home and do something for my business (as a coach). So when I am at the Gym, I am looking at the clock all the time and think about all the things I should do for my business right now. And I am NOT present in my body anymore – I am not feeling vibrant anymore. I am just “shoulding” myself and beating myself up.

I tried to workout less. For instance, I intentionally see clients during the time of my favourite sports classes to hinder myself from going to the Gym.
On those days, I feel a little nervous and I am missing something (like if I had not brushed my teeth – working out is such a habit for me).

I also have a bad conscience because I “should” listen more to my body (and sometimes my body feels so exhausted and wants me to rest, but my crazy brain is like: Go! GO! GOOOO! Please, let me workout, pleeeease!”)

I´m not sure whether all these workouts are a buffer. Moreover, because I have other goals in life, but I need time to follow these other plans, and doing so much sport is time-expensive and keeps me from following my other goals.

(Sometimes I get up at 3 in the morning to work on my business, to give myself the “allowance” to workout later. I feel totally crazy doing this, because it exhausts me).

So my mind is spinning around this question: Doing sports is such a pleasure for me and I am afraid how I would feel without it. But it´s also keeping me from doing other important things in life.

What´s your opinion on this?

Maybe I am a little addicted, but it´s okay to be addicted? Maybe I can give myself allowance to be “addicted”? Or reframe it ?