Today I was feeling in a bad mood. I’m not really aware how it even began.
We will move in a new flat tomorrow and I think that my husband doesn’t really care for my opinion about how we should put the furniture in the new flat. I think he doesn’t really care for me at all.
One month ago I had worked on a blueprint to see where the furniture could fit and he said at the time that we did not have all the information we needed to make choices. Today he has done a blueprint himself. I think that my work and my opinion don’t count at all. I know this is childish because it’s true that we had access to the flat meanwhile and in a way this is new information. Also, I think we should have a convertible sofa and not a bed because the flat is really small. My husband wants a bed. We have the bed he wants. I wonder how I could think and say he is right while defending my idea, which I personally prefer to his idea. I know there is not such thing as “the right thing” to do but it seems we are both trapped in this way of thinking.
I’m also ruminating that I did all the boxes (I did more boxes than him but not all of them). I also think I’m a bad person because I get easily angry and in a bad mood (for such trivial matters as boxes or furniture while I could just love my husband and daughter for who they are). I didn’t speak gently to my husband and to my daughter today. And I know I’m creating all of this with my thinking. I’m judging myself for not being able to change my way of thinking and behaving today.
During this day I was aware that I was thinking thoughts that were creating results I didn’t like. But it was so messy that I couldn’t do anything to stop it. And I guess this will go on tomorrow. How to begin to take a positive move when the bad mood seems to take control of the person I am? Thank you.