I once thought my purpose was to become a doctor to help people on their worst days. I did that. Then I became a mother, and around the same time helping people turned into being bullied by people who wanted drugs all the time. I realized my life energy was being wasted on people who didn’t care about me, and I had little energy to give to my babies. I left the ER and now work in an urgent care clinic – which has helped me somewhat. (Much less stressful!) Because I can make more money than my husband, I am the sole provider working full time and still not spending the time I want to with my babies who are now 11, 9 and 6. If I pursue a different career, I am afraid I won’t make enough to support our current standard of living. I see the fear of change and the scarcity in my thinking. I also see that I’m a complete bad ass because I am the sole financial provider, mother, wife, daughter, doctor and director of our home life. I want to not HAVE to be such a bad ass all the time. I’m afraid I’m missing too much of my kids’ lives and I’m resentful of my husband for not contributing more so I can be at home more. I revel in the confusion of not knowing how to change and buffer to avoid feeling sad and alone in my bad ass-ness. My question: how do I find a way to balance being the Mom I really want to be and be a significant financial provider (since I can’t make hubs do something else because he’s allowed to do what he wants to do as a grown adult)?