My spouse makes everything a contest, of who works harder, longer, has had less sleep, who has the worst headache,, I need help managing my thoughts around this:
Example:) I might say, “today was extremely stressful because ..______”, and then with eyes rolling, I get reply “… you have no idea, I had to.._____”
“I got the worst sleep” REPLY “oh my gosh, I had babies all in my face, you have no idea….”
“I can’t get rid of this stress headache” REPLY “I have been so overworked, Ive had a migraine for days…”
“working from home has been a challenge for me” REPLY “See what I deal with….”
I am just trying to share my day, but everything is a battle of who’s job is more important, stressful., etc……
In the past, if she says I am working too hard, I tell her what all our friends husbands do, and that I have it pretty good, and she will tell me “it doesn’t matter what they do, you cant compare what they do….” But, then she will ask “what is your business partner doing, he doesn’t seem to work as hard as you….” ????
I am working a lot, but this Corona-Virus has brought challenges, I have always provided well, and she thinks it just grows on trees, and when I work, she will ask “does that need to be done”, or “what is your business partner doing”….. Everything I do is under scrutiny, and looking back, I am “on fire” and making it happen.
We are both under lots of stress, but I don’t know why the competition, I have abandoned most buffering, to include Netflix, radio, random internet searching, reading for pleasure, and I can see that she might spend hours doing this a day. She may need it more than I, but I have squeezed every minute out of the day, sun up to sun down, and if someone were to compare, it would seem lopsided.
working from home has brought new challenges for us all.
She has been in a better place than me at many times, but Now From the “watcher view”, I can see that I am in a better/cleaner place than her at this time, and have been for a few months straight. I am having a hard time communicating unless it is about her problems and I am having sympathy. I am feeling overworked and underappreciated, honestly I don’t need that to be known, so I am just feeling annoyed and alone like I can’t talk because when I share my opinion , she disagrees with it, corrects me, and then makes it a competition.
I have a bunch of models, but with the demands of the family, and my work, and coaching class, My Action line is pretty consistent, my feelings fluctuate with my thoughts, but my Result includes agreement to some degree of my spouse.
This is a few C’s and many T’s, I have just focused on A-moving forward, but after getting yelled at today, it is all coming out.
?? ideas would be much appreciated.