Beating myself up

I can’t seem to stop beating myself up. I make a schedule to do things and then when I don’t stick to it I end up beating myself up. I do models on why I procrastinate or don’t finish things. The thoughts are usually “this is hard” or “I am not going to finish.” I try to sit with these thoughts because it is hard for me to believe that they are just thoughts even though I know they are intellectually. However, when I procrastinate I immediately spin in negative thoughts that cause sadness and before I know it I am reacting strongly to the feelings by crying and breathing heavy. When I’m this upset and i try to do thought downloads I can only uncover thoughts about the crying. How do I uncover the thoughts behind beating myself up without reacting to my emotions?