Being a Step Parent

I get frustrated because I try to help my step-daughter who is about to go off to college and she always says “No” that she doesn’t need help. (washing new towels, washing new bed sheets, packing up her room, etc.)

I tried to ask how she was going to be ready to go to college and she said to me she doesn’t work that way. (Meanwhile I listen to her talk about all of her anxiety and I just listen and give her space to talk).

How do I let go of the control that I want to have over her and the situation?

I try to pretend in front of her that things don’t bother me (because I realize I’m a step-parent and she has two parents that she deals with and I don’t want to be resistance with her) but deep down inside they really do.

C: Step-daughter going to college
T: She needs to be prepared and isn’t listening to me and is very disorganized and I’m going to have to rush around the day before because she doesn’t prepare for things.
F: Frustration and anger
A: Not talking about it anymore with her
R: Passivity and not talking with her or my fiancee about her going to college. Not being excited about her new journey .. instead focusing on how I feel about it her packing and planning for it.

How do I get over myself and realize its not about me!

In my mind I truly don’t want to care about this. But it does get to me because I feel that I’m trying to help and she doesn’t want the help and rejects me.

Being a step-parent has been one of the biggest life lessons for me because I have to let go all the time and accept rejection for years. I’ve swallowed so much rejection that I’ve felt really numb so I don’t understand why this is bothering me. I’ve learned to let go but then these things come up and I see it happen again in my mind!

Thank you so much!