Being a virgin


Thanks to self-coaching and the model I feel much more confident with who I am which has meant that I’m eager to start dating. I can genuinely say that I show up with the knowledge I’m amazing and if someone doesn’t like me, it has nothing to do with me.

I’m 36 and I’m finally getting this which means in the past I didn’t date really at all so I don’t have a lot of experience being in a relationship and am still a virgin. Not for any religious beliefs or anything specific, just that I was very guarded and insecure in the past and my response was to keep all people at a distance.

I’ve just met someone, have been on 2 dates and it’s a very physical attraction already. I’m feeling a mix of new emotions right now that are fun but I want to make sure I stay true to myself and not just get swept up in lust. I think where I’m looking for guidance is I want to have sex with this guy but I want to be clean with my reasons.

Right now the reasons are the physical attraction with him but also not wanting to be a virgin anymore. As much as I want to rush and get it over with I want to like my reason for making this decision. I hear people say they wish they had waited for someone they cared about but I’m not sure I need to wait until I’m in love at this age but I also don’t know any better if that makes sense? I know enough that just because I have sex it’s not going to change me or make me feel better/different.

I also want to be open with him about it but if I’m honest I’m worried about what he’s going to think and that he’ll dump me once he finds out which will prove my thought something is wrong with me. So my main reason to have sex I guess is to not feel damaged or weird anymore.

C: Virgin
T: It’s not normal to be 36 and still a virgin
F: insecure
A: hide it/avoid
R: avoid myself, feel damaged

Intentional Model
C: virgin
T: I’m whole and complete as I am, virgin or not
F: confident
A: ? stay open
R: ??connect with myself and others

unintentional model
C: tell date I’m a virgin
T: he might not like me after I tell him I’m virgin
F: fear, insecure
A: buffer, put off telling him
R: reject myself

Intentional Model
C: Tell date I’m a virgin
T: His thoughts and actions are about him??
F: vulnerable, courage??
A: talk to him
R: stay true to me???

Would love help with these 4 models and any other suggestions of how I should be approaching this?