Brooke – I have a friend who keeps asking for money, either straight out or as loans. I have lots of thoughts every time she does this and I’m feeling like I’d like to escape from this relationship, but she’s almost family. My thoughts include that I work hard for my money and she doesn’t, that she should keep her money for necessities instead of manicures, etc – all very petty feeling thoughts. Every time one of the requests comes in from email I feel like I turn it into a black cloud that engulfs me. (I feel this way too when passing a down-and-out drug addict who is asking for a handout.)

I think I’m a generous person and have done a great deal to help this person back on her feet after she lost everything due to poor choices and bipolar challenges. Three years later I’m SO ready not to be so connected to her financial issues.

FYI – I do owe this person a great deal – I found you because of her. If it had not been for the tailspin my mind went into several years ago finding ways to interact with her I would never have google “blaming others for how we feel” and found your podcast on Blame and Responsibility https://thelifecoachschool.com/36/. I started listening to your podcasts and then joined SCS when it started. The universe works in mysterious ways!

Current Model:
C: S. asked for a $500 loan.
T: I don’t want to keep giving her money.
F: Aversion
A: Look in the Ask Brooke and Wisdom book to see if the subject of loaning money had been addressed.
R: Looking for way to stop this cycle of money requests in a loving, straight-forward manner – not by ignoring or trying to escape the issue. So…writing Ask Brooke.

Model:
C: S. asked for a $500 loan.
T:
F: Calm / confident / non-impacted / ok
A:
R: Have a relationship with S where I am not dreading an email or call for money.

Thanks,
Gail