Being in control and taking action

Dear Brooke,

I am trying to figure out my relationship problems and my own desires.

I have noticed that I used to indulge in negative emotions a lot – my to go to place used to be worry, feeling helpless, a victim, confused, etc. The homework I have been doing this month has been really super HELPFUL. I have encountered a lot of negative adversity and resistance in trying to change these old patterns. Also, I realized that I wasn’t clear with what I wanted because, well, I was always confused. I can’t believe now when I think back in time how I always chose confusion over action. I guess because it’s so much easier.

After spending a lot of time on my own and trying to figure out what I want I realized that I hold a lot of judgement. To clear my mind and help me stay focused, I listened to your ‘Intuition’, ‘Study Yourself’ and ‘Hope is a problem’ podcasts – that really helped with my confused state of being. I realized that I have a lot of judgement – how do I deal with these old thoughts? Like for example, the reason I chose not to pursue or take action is because I am older than him, or that he is from a different race and social class. Do I just observe these thoughts like a watcher or try to change them?

Here is an old model I would do- or the old way of thinking.

C – my relationship with my trainer

T – I really like him, but I know I am not his type (too emotional, clingy, needy, weak), i am older than him, i wouldn’t be able to control my emotions

F – weak, helpless, victim, jealous

A – do nothing or continue to stay indecisive and drive myself crazy; say no when he wants to see me because I am afraid he will hurt me

R – feeling miserable, second guess myself, continue to feel afraid and not desired

Revised model –

C – my relationship with my trainer

T – I really like him, I want to learn about myself and look at this as an experience to explore my emotions

F – empowered and in control

A – train with him, do all the work on my emotional state, taking control over my negative thinking and over my feelings,not blaming him for the way I feel

R – I will become an emotionally independent woman who can choose whatever she wants whenever she wants (including my trainer if at that time I still want him)

The revised model is what I am working towards, and when I think like this I feel like a million dollars because that is my ultimate goal – to reach that emotional state of being, but at times I wonder why I want this (him). Do we get to question our wants or just accept them?

I realize I have a lot of information in the models, but somehow I felt everything needed to be included:)
Thank you so much.