I’ve been getting emails from the partner I left in January (Hallelujah to being away for quarantine!) I asked him to only contact me for necessities, but it’s been “I’m worried about you,” and then “You’re a narcissist,” and then, “Will you see my therapist?” followed by “You are rude not to answer me.”
I have two models, but the one I circle back to is:
C: Contact of any kind from ex
T: He is a child
A: Behave like a kind parent, stay curious, listen
R: I stay detached, situation more likely to remain calm
With that model in mind, I composed a short reply that his therapy is for him, and I will block him if he continues to send unnecessary messages with demands and insults. I didn’t send the message, however.
I realized what I REALLY wanted was to be understood and that doesn’t happen, basically ever. I didn’t send the message because the lack of understanding seems like a circumstance to me. I say or type simple words and he “misunderstands” and turns it around to his purposes.
Oh. HA. I think I just answered my own question. The issue is that I am NOT his PARENT. That snuck in there. Even if I haven’t been perfectly crystal clear, I don’t have to make him understand anything.
THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!