I have been abroad for 1 week for a professional training.
It was hard for me, because I am shy, don’t talk a lot, and I feel inferior to my colleagues who speak a lot (I met them on the trip).
I found myself thinking that I needed to seem sympathetic, sociable, otherwise I would be excluded. This is tiring for me, and the last day was rather bad for me.
I would like to break the habit of trying to people please the ones that seem to have strong personalities, and focus on nicer people (for me).
C. Colleagues of the training group speak together.
T. I have to force myself to seem sociable
A. I speak and smile in an unnatural way, I force myself to find funny things to say, I am stressed and not enjoying the course, I find myself guilty when I don’t stay to have coffee with the group, I miss my family, I don’t sleep way, I don’t know how to balance the times with other and my time alone.
R. I am forcing myself and don’t even feel sociable
T. I can speak with the calmer people when I want and choose to stay alone sometimes.
A. I am more relaxed, speak according to my nature, not too much, not too fast, I don’t judge the “strong personalities” and don’t try to influence what they think of me’ I feel less tired, I enjoy my trip more.
R. I have the freedom to choose how I interact with people and with myself.
Thing is, I still am very afraid of what people think of me and of being rejected, scolded if I am not friendly enough (old patterns from school).