Hi! I am in my 40’s and single, I’ve been single most of my life. I thought that I have the belief “I am not lovable” and worked on changing my thoughts, as intellectually yes, I know I am lovable. The other day I realized that the belief is more: I am not loved.
This belief makes me feel sad, I know there is a lot of work to do around it. I often push people away when I feel sad, I am not very comfortable being vulnerable. I appreciate my company and I am happy spending time with myself but I now ask myself if it’s not a way to isolating to “protect” myself. I feel shame for being alone, single, and this makes me also push people away.
Also, I am usually in relationships with men that are not emotionally available.
I brought the subject to my 20-min session but there is more work to do around it.
Here are the models I did, I would love your feedback.
C- I’m single
T – I am not loved
F – Shame
A – I push away people, when in dating app I don’t really put the effort to follow a conversation, I judge men talking to me on the apps, I am very exigent with them, I lie to people about my singleness, I am distant from my family.
R – I don’t give myself the possibility to be/feel loved
C- I’m single
T – There are people that love me ( but I don’t really believe this thought, I have friends and know lots of people as I am very social but still I have the feeling they don’t really love me.)
F – Hope ( that I won’t be alone forever)
A – I reach more often to friends and family, I put interest in knowing men I met on dating apps to give them a chance. (I can’t think of many more actions…)
R – I believe that people love me? It would be this R?
Thank you for your help.