Believing I Do Not Have Control Over How Much I Get to Sleep


Thought Download: My landlords, who live below me, have small children that I can sometimes hear in the morning running around and making normal kid noises, but it can sometimes wake me up early in the morning. They’re also renovating their kitchen and the contractor has been showing up at 7:30 am every day and the banging starts almost immediately. I typically wake up early, but for the past 2 months I’ve been having trouble sleeping, so not having the option to sleep in because of the construction noise over the last few weeks has been a source of frustration. Although I typically schedule my Self Coaching Scholars calls and Coach Certification mentoring sessions for early morning, I’ve had negative emotions about that choice for the past couple weeks.

This morning I woke up and realized that I had slept through the night two nights in a row for the first time in months. But instead of being happy about this, I started thinking about how I scheduled a Coach Certification mentoring call for 8 am and thought that I just wanted a day where I didn’t have some responsibility first thing in the morning. I just want to sleep in. But I don’t have control whether I can sleep in because I either have a work obligation, a business obligation or it’s loud in the house because of kids or construction. “I don’t have control” feels like a draining sensation in my midsection, like pulling down. It’s a feeling heavier than frustration. Exasperation seems close, but I think resentment is the emotion, because there is resentment about not having control over my living space. Being resentful towards my landlords who live below me for having this life with small kids and home renovations that I am forced to wake up to. I didn’t choose that life, but I can’t sleep because I live near it. Like someone else has control over my ability to feel rested and until they stop OR until I buy my own place, I cannot feel rested.

C: Wake up at 6:25am. 8 am mentoring session scheduled.
T: I don’t have control over my ability to rest
F: Resentment
A: Lay in bed scrolling social media. Get upset when I hear the kids’ footsteps downstairs and when the contractor comes into the house at 7:30am. Think about how much better it would be if none of this was happening. Focus on how tired I am. Get mad when I get home after work and think about how I can’t sleep in the next day because the contractor is going to be there early and think about not sleeping in on the weekend because the kids get up early and run around as well.
R: I decide that I cannot feel rested until something I have no control over happens.
R: I delegate my ability to feel rested to things outside of my control