Best friend

I have had a best friend for over 10 years, and in many ways, she is like a sister. When things were hard growing up, she was always there for me and we formed an extremely tight bond.

She always struggled to find a partner, and now she has found one and I WAS SO happy for her. I love her with all my heart and truly want what is best for her.

However, her partner has a habit of smoking weed which I know that she is very against.

I see her compromising her values and making excuses for him. I know that this is her decision and that I have no control over her actions.  She and her new partner have moved very quickly and moved in with one another 2 months of dating. I am happy for her and as long as she is happy- I support it.

My issue is: lately I have found that she doesn’t take my calls unless her partner is not home/not around/busy. She used to call me most days just to check up on me, and now she only calls me once every two weeks when he is not around.

When I ask her about it she just says she has “been so busy lately.” I know she loves me, and I know she still values our friendship & cares about me.

But something is not sitting well with me (especially the fact that she doesn’t call me when he’s around), so I draw in. I don’t message her as much/try to call her anymore because I know she doesn’t answer until he’s not around (I used to call her anyway and text her but after weeks of doing this and getting unanswered calls I eventually started to withdraw a little).

She also threw a party the other day, which involved most of his friends. His friends are into drugs and weed, which she warned me about, and knows that I do not like being around people who do that. So, I didn’t go because I didn’t want to be put in a compromising environment and have a boundary of not being around drugs.

I love my best friend, but something has changed.

I feel anxious about it and feel like she is becoming a different person. I have started to withdraw a little and am trying on new thoughts like “she is finding herself” and “she knows what’s best for herself,” and “she still values & loves you.” From this, I am able to speak to her whenever possible.

However, things have changed and she has totally withdrawn from me and we are just no longer as close as we used to be.

I still get a pit of anxiety and sadness when I think about the situation and don’t really know what to do.