Betrayal from Husband

One of the main reasons I joined this year was to gain clarity and insight around my relationship with my husband. Many years ago, in 2009, he was an active alcoholic and lied about his drinking to me. This lying started when we got married approximately 5 years before, but I caught him in the last major lie in 2009. He would drink alcohol behind my back, promising to quit. He has since quit (so he says), but relapsed last year. When he relapsed, I relapsed emotionally, too. I completely shut down towards him and felt very numb.

Back then I really didn’t process it correctly. I think the way I processed it was to shut down towards him, mostly emotionally and physically. I stopped having sex with him. Now, all these years later, I am realizing what happened and want to heal. I am making a decision as to whether to leave him, because the sex/attraction is a huge issue. But I’m realizing what’s underneath is all this hurt. We are in marriage therapy. I know this is a lot of information, but if there’s something you suggest I start with, I would love it. I am actively working on loving him as is but feel so much pain and resentment.