Hi Coach,

My boyfriend of 13 years recently informed me that he changed his thinking about retiring and now estimates retirement within the next 5 years. Previously, we had estimated that we would both retire in 8-9 years and buy a place together. I do not plan on retiring early from my successful, enjoyable career and still estimate the 8-9 year timeframe to fund my children in college.

My boyfriend and I each have our own houses 50miles apart and separate assets and incomes. My boyfriend comes to my house often and most weekends. I still have kids at home. His are grown and he is an empty nester.

My boyfriend has started questioning many areas of our long term relationship saying we seem to be no longer compatible. He says the mismatch in our retirement timeframe could be a problem. I don’t agree and I think we could take the new information and talk about a new plan.

Another example he provided is that periodically he wants to feel free to watch TV in the bedroom at 4am during the work week if he feels restless. I offered that when at my house, he could watch in another room, which he declined. I like my boundary for no TV watching at 4am because it is disruptive to my sleep.

In the last 3 weeks, it seems like he is taking petty items to magnify and create big deal breakers for things we have had for the last 13 years. I want to continue in the relationship, but I also want to keep some of the long established boundaries – with reasonable regard for the other persons feelings.

He thinks I should change my thinking on his 4am TV watching in the bedroom and plan on selling my house early to execute his early retirement plan. We are at a stalemate and he has stopped coming over. I have continued to do my work, love my family, and proceed with my hobbies, but this is on my mind. What coaching teachings could help me?