TD: Last night at dinner he pissed me off so much. I really can’t stand his moody ass sometimes. It makes me want to yell or just get up and leave until I feel better or he stops being moody. I can’t stand it.
C: Sitting at the dinner table last night with bf and his girls
T: he pisses me off
A: ignore him, don’t look at him, look at the girls and talk to them instead, scroll my phone, feel the air and see what to do, eat dinner by myself, wait until I want to go back upstairs, complain instead my head, seethe with anger inside my head, roll my eyes
R: I piss myself off inside my head and keep myself there spinning and complaining and blame it on him because of this thought. I create and look for evidence of him pissing me off when it’s me pissing myself off and blaming it on him. I force my manual on him and get angry when he doesn’t follow it.
I guess I have to sit with this feeling of being pissed off before moving on. I know it isn’t serving me, I don’t want to keep this thought and it’s outdated. I go to this thought all the time when he is being moody or grumpy. He can get really mean when he acts that way, which results in me being really mean to him and myself for believing this thought.
What I make that mean about myself: That I shouldn’t be with someone who can get that moody. What the fuck am I doing? Can I live like this forever?
How I would like to feel instead: unbothered by his moodiness. Compassionate.
What thoughts could get me there? He isn’t feeling well, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. (I can’t think of anything else, I probably still need to sit in the unintentional model.)
My mind is screaming that I wish he would stop being so moody!! lol