Bickering In Marriage


I want to work on the bickering that tends to happen between my husband and me. My interpretation of events is that he often ‘blames me’ for small everyday things and just lashes out (bickering), only to forget it later and not notice the effect on me. My response is usually to tell him off, sometimes shout, and explain why he shouldn’t do this. It doesn’t work. It happens again when he’s stressed or something bothers him.

Here are today’s models. I want some help building thoughts and feelings to work towards in my intentional model.

Unintentional model
C- Husband said words yesterday about the cat’s bowl of water being placed in a particular area by me.
T- It drives me mad when he mutters & mumbles! I always get blamed for everything.
F – Fury
A- I accuse my husband when I feel this way; sulk; don’t respond to his kind words later; feed my angry thoughts in my mind; end up explaining to him for ages why he shouldn’t mutter & mumble; shout at him; sometimes I argue; tell myself he mistreats me.
R: I create an angry relationship & atmosphere at home

Intentional model
C- Husband said some words yesterday about the cat’s bowl of water being placed in a particular area by me.
T – ?
F- ?
A- I protect our good times together; I write every night about three ways I’ve noticed he cares about me during the day; I tell myself that my husband sometimes lashes out, and it has little or nothing to do with me; If I choose, I explain to husband afterward what I didn’t like, or I don’t say anything at all; I don’t use my “hatched” which is my fury; I refrain from explaining to him.
R- A good relationship with husband & a peaceful atmosphere at home.