Hi Brooke,
I have gained 15 lbs over the past 10 days in the fog of a binge period. I know I made a thousand choices during that time to eat what I ate that led me here… I could hear a little voice saying “You’ll regret this” but another voice said “Screw it” and I still chose the chocolate, candies, baked goods and chips etc… Now I feel the fog lifting (am I in victim mode?) and I am pissed off at myself – but it feels good in the sense that I am putting on the brakes to the binge eating – so I also feel determined. But pissed off is a negative emotion which doesn’t result in positive action so can you help me unravel this please? I think I’m mixing models, but not sure how?
Here are some models:
C Gained 15 lbs after bingeing for 10 days
T I can’t believe I did this again!!
F Pissed off at myself (and determined)
A Stop over eating – back on protocol
R ?? I will slowly lose the weight I put on
C Gained 15 lbs after bingeing for 10 days
T I am not doing this again!! (but not really convinced…)
F Still pissed off – but determined and don’t feel like bingeing…
A Stop overeating
R ??I will slowly lose the weight I put on
C Gained 15 lbs after bingeing for 10 days
T It’s going to take 6 weeks to undo the damage I’ve done!
F Still pissed off and discouraged..
A Stop overeating – really don’t feel like bingeing today and causing more damage (gaining more weight)
R I will lose the weight slowly and feel more positive when I do…
There is also shame in there somewhere because I knew better and I still chose to overeat, but I do feel the binge is over. I have gone long periods of not bingeing (years) and eating only healthy food while trying to solve health problems. Now I wonder if I was white knuckling it (?) I don’t quite understand what happened… My goal for September was to not buffer with food and TV – which I did – and I was feeling really proud of myself and feeling good over all and accomplishing more, but then by mid October I had started to buffer (chose to watch more TV and eat off protocol), and it all unraveled. I think I needed to recommit very mindfully to my not buffering goal and I didn’t and one bad choice led to another and another. Not sure how to stop that spiral when it starts…
Thanks for any insight you can give me. 🙂
