I moved across the country to live with my boyfriend last Saturday. We moved into our new place which I love. It was my Birthday on Thursday and of course I had this manual that my bf would make my day romantic and get me an amazing gift (gifts is my love language). He is a photographer and we met at a photoshoot. On my bday he got me a water bottle and some other stuff that was more for him than it was for me, then told me that he went over his budget for my birthday gift and that he was shooting with another girl the next Sunday. My favorite thing is to be in front of the camera and we hadn’t shot together for a long time because he said it felt like it was work to shoot with me vs us just spending time together so I stopped asking to do photoshoots with him.
I was really disappointed and I am still rather angry because 1) why would you tell someone you went over budget on buying them a gift? 2) it’s a water bottle (something I didn’t ask for and you could easily return because I won’t use it) 3) A water bottle and dinner is out of your budget yet you tell me you have 6k in your bank account 4) I spent $2700 on him for his last birthday 5) I already have a huge surprise party for his bday at the end of the month planned where I’m flying out his best friend and sister to be here to celebrate yet he last minute buys my gift and it’s a freaking water bottle? 6) I’d love a photoshoot for my bday and that costs nothing…
Anyways I have all these thoughts which are all clearly not serving me and just making me angry and upset. I’m clingy to these “stories” and it’s like I’m keeping score. I have a hard time because I feel like I’m worth more, and I keep putting out what I want in hopes that will come back to me, hence the surprise party and the amazing gifts I give him and others.
Here is a model, what are your thoughts?
T: My BF got me a water bottle for my birthday and then proceeded to say “I went over budget for your birthday” which is ridiculous
A: Act disappointed, angry, get upset, think of all the things that make me angry
R: Arguments, time spent fighting, unhappy relationship
For my intentional model I almost feel like I need a ladder thought because the one I have right now I’m just like of course I can buy myself whatever I want but the point is that I want someone who cares enough to take time and make my birthday special for me. I feel like I’m always creating and planning stuff for myself and others and for once I just want someone else to surprise me.
T: I love my BF unconditionally and I can buy myself whatever gift I want for my birthday
F: I want to feel special and loved