Birthday Treat… why is this so hard??

Hi Brooke,
I have been following NS/NF and intermittent fasting for 5 weeks now. Next week, on my birthday it will be 6 weeks. I haven’t had a joy eat since I want to not desire flour or sugar. This month, my sentence was, “I am an example of what is possible; I no longer desire flour and sugar.” I had planned to never joy eat (for the rest of my life) so that I would be someone that doesn’t used food for entertainment, and someone that is in control of my eating always. I’m happy with my weight/size… but I would like to lose 7 more pounds since that’s the ideal weight that I set out to be when I started this journey. Now, I am having the hardest time deciding if I want to have a joy eat for my 40th birthday. My thought is… it’s my birthday I should have a treat for your birthday. My other thought is, I don’t use food for entertainment and having a birthday treat would be completely for entertainment. Since I’ve been saying that “I no longer desire flour and sugar” it would feel like a lie to have a planned joy eat… but it also feels like a lie (maybe lie isn’t the right word) not to enjoy a treat on my 40th birthday, especially when I am a normal size 8. Why is this so hard in my brain?? I want both, or at least I see how both are perfectly fine things to do. I want to stay true to my word (not desiring flour and sugar, EVER) and enjoy a treat on my birthday without feeling like I’m ruining the last 6 weeks of NF/NS or that I’m a liar to myself. What model or thought can I start thinking/work on to make sense of this and feel more at peace about the decision that I make?