Blame game

I drank to numb for years trying to avoid the conflict in my marriage. I cussed many issues while numbing and drinking too much and my husband is blaming all of our conflict on the drinking. He refuses to take ownership of the issues in our marriage.

I think I get that now because the action in my model “drunk” is an action I owned. However the actions in his A line: yelling, screaming – he owns. The final straw was a situation where he hurt me and I stopped drinking altogether during conflict and completely for 2 months. Everything is a mess now. We love each other but there is so much hurt. So many people involved. Drama drama. I want to clean this up for myself.

I know I can never know what my husband is thinking or saying to others. No control of him, however how do you start to build trust again? We have said we want to stay together. Now what? What tool or coaching program in the vault can I use? How do I set myself up for this in a positive way? Today I listened to his frustration and I heard him say how he left. It was hard. I did not react. I just listened. I could really feel his hurt. I need to know that I am not setting myself up for failure here.