Body Image

My husband and I recently got into a bit because he reached out to touch me gently when I was hunched over typing on my laptop. I immediately pulled away because he was touching “my fat”. I was repulsed at MYSELF and he took it as me being repulsed by him. We had a LONG talk about it where I explained that my reaction had NOTHING to do with him but he still is upset and hurt. He’s mad that I’m not feeling good about myself because HE feels good about me – like I should love my body simply because he loves my body. He’s very complimentary about my looks and appearance is is dumbfounded why I can still have body issues. It’s not about him. I realized that I need to do my own work in this area on ME so I can show up in a different space because I don’t want to be the kind of wife that pulls away when my husband goes to touch me. I feel like I should be thinner. I’m on a strict diet and have been for years. I’ve been super stressed lately and hence, buffering with crap so I’ve gain 5 lbs. I’m mad at myself for allowing all this to seep in and now it’s worse because HE’s mad too. Why am I doing and how can I stop it!?