Body Shame

Hi Brooke,

It wasn’t true “abuse” but when I was around the age of 9 and in prepuberty, I remember my mother (love her dearly), but she wanted to come into the bathroom with me to “check up” on how my body was “developing.” I fully dressed/showered myself at that age so I remember feeling very uncomfortable and anxious about this. I am not sure where the belief got into my head per say (my mother herself struggled with her own weight and was ALWAYS on a diet), but I distinctly remember somehow believing that if I was overweight that it meant I would get my period sooner and that it would disappoint her or “prove” I was fat (I got it at 12.5 years). My whole life pretty much she also had me “on a diet” (despite the fact I actually really WASN’T overweight at the time). However, I remember cutting off as much of my pubic hair as I could before she looked that time in the bathroom and she made some sort of remarks about me seeing to be pretty developed down there. I can’t fully understand my own thoughts/beliefs but I do know that as a 30 year old adult, I am overweight and I have NEVER been able to have sex, ever, with the lights on… or without being completely waxed…I am trying to do a model on it but am getting stuck on understanding what my current model likely is (as there might be a few layers with this) and I am ultimately even less clueless about where to go from here with gradually building a new model. I don’t want to be overweight and I would love to feel truly confident in my own skin. Thank you! <3