Body Size Shame

C: scale read 174, my height is 5’4″
T: I hate the way my body looks
F: shame
A: eat candy, don’t practice my food protocol, don’t believe in myself, wear oversize clothes to hide
R: I keep hating my body and myself

I feel so stuck in this. I want to lose weight (for good reasons like, be healthier, fit in my clothes again, stop eating like an asshole) but I can’t seem to stick to a protocol because I keep battling this shame with thoughts like T: I can’t believe I let myself go; T: I’m too fat; T: I shouldn’t have done this to my body; T: I know better than this.

Thoughts like “I have a body” or “this is where my body is and now what?” haven’t helped me. I DO know better but I haven’t done better.