How do I set up a model to deal with a family I love and want to be connected with despite my thoughts about their words making me feel like a bad person? ( I know I choose that thought.. need model to stop )

C: family says: You are the cause of our family suffering
T: Their thoughts cause their suffering
F: smug, self centered, arrogant,
A: overeat, tell myself I am irresponsible for not agreeing it is my fault, waste my day in my head trying to control the past and finding ways to put them down so I don’t feel so bad about myself which doesn’t work and makes everything feel worse
R: I hate myself