Boundaries 2.0

I just listened to the Boundaries 2.0 podcast as part of the May Scholars program. I am recently divorced, in part because my ex-husband is an alcoholic. In living with an alcoholic, I often read about setting up boundaries, but I never mastered the boundary without punishment mentality (or maybe it was the boundary without anger mentality). Nor could I figure out what my action would be without also hurting myself. For example, if you drink, I will leave (either the house or our relationship). Well those are sucky outcomes. I understood that *I* could not stop him from drinking, but I could never figure out how to set a boundary that felt authentic and/or that I could live with. Would love to understand better what boundaries I could have set that were realistic (I could follow through) and did not also feel like punishment for me. Thanks