Big issue in my life right now!
I’m studying Boundaries today, and at the question : “Do you let people cross your boundaries too often? (…) What are the hardest ones to enforce and why?”
Here is my answer : “Too often!! It’s hard to enforce because I feel like I’m not accepting the person as she is. That I’m getting conditional & blackmailing like, if you do this, I do that. Very childish and trying to make the person behave in a way I approve, like a manual (that’s what I feel about putting boundaries).
My first thought is ‘I believe the other person doesn’t want to hurt me consciously and has a good reason to behave the way she does. So my first natural move is to communicate and try to understand her motivation and express my feelings, so that we understand each other. The person can then choose deliberately to stop, adapt his behavior, or continue, and then if still needed I put the boundary to protect me (I leave).
I tried to save the connection before leaving. But when it is with a closed person, I give energy doing so. I’m feeling both proud and fair to have done my best, and a bit hurt and resentful that she deliberately wants to hurt me, but she’s free, so I live.
I also have this idea of spirituality that you should accept everything and love everyone… in which case boundaries are the exact opposite, I’m not accepting, not bearing, not strong enough, not understanding enough.”
Yet a big misunderstanding in my head I guess and unclear with that!!!
Thank you very much for your kindly help!