I live in something close to a mother daughter house with my MIL who is a home maker and who doesn’t drive. I am working on choosing to love. I am also saying no a lot to establish boundaries. When she asks me to do something that is inconvenient at the time, I say no. She will continue to ask for the same thing or for another thing. She will sometimes inform me that ‘it wont be out of the way’ for me and it will only take ‘2 minutes.’ I dislike continually saying no. I dislike the thought that she may not like me at the moment for not catering to her want of the moment. I try my best to remind myself that I do a lot for her (deposit her checks, make her international transfers, pick up meds from pharmacy, pick up groceries for her, listen to her complaints at the end of the day for a few minutes…).
My first question is how do I go about establishing boundaries with a person with poor insight that continues to ask despite no’s.
My second question is how do I go about my fear of her continuing to push the boundaries when I move next door? My husband and I own the house we live in now and I pay the mortgage. My husband & I have bought the house next door to have our own space yet still be close to his elderly parents. I work full time but have shifted my schedule to allow for a 4 day work week. Since my husband works from home, on my day off, we do brunch and catch up before the kids come home from school. I am deathly afraid and anxious that if my husband is with clients on my day off and although I will be in my new house, my MIL will ask me to take her place and run errands for her. Here is my thought model:
C: MIL asks to be chauffeured or have errands done for her
T: This woman has no insight that I work a demanding job and have three small kids and that this is my protected time!!
F: Angry & powerless
A: passive aggressive behavior with husband (as its his mother)
R: strained relationship and MIL continues to ask to be chauffeured
new T: I will run errands on my time
F: helpful but in control
A: continue to go about my day in my way
R: MIL will continue to ask but I have become more adept at saying no