Boundaries with Mom

Hi Brooke,

Before I get to my question, I have to say that I took the month of Aug off from SCS (did not log in once) and just put in WORK. I am the one with $50,000 in debt and a couple months ago had to ask for help because my credit card balance was less than $20. I am proud to say that as of yesterday, I have a paid off my $7,500 credit card! Now to work on my Line of Credit (which has a MUCH lower interest rate). So thank you for that!

My question today is around boundaries with my mom. I reached out to you about 6 weeks ago and we had a call about my issues with my mom (she told a secret I told her in confidence). Since that interaction, we had another huge blowout and haven’t spoken for almost 3 weeks. But on Sept 5, she is staying with me for just over 3 weeks and I know this is my opportunity to really do this work, but I need help.

For context, from Sept 5-19 and Sept 24-29, she is staying in the guest suite in my condo which is on the 1st floor. But from Sept 19-24 the suite was not available. We haven’t talked about it, but I imagine she assumes she will be staying with me. I live in a 1 bedroom condo (about 700 sq ft).

I know we have lots of work to do on our relationship, but I want to set and enforce some boundaries and have been listening to your 2 boundary podcasts in preparation from this Ask Brooke. Here are a few things I know:

1. I do not want her to stay with me in my small condo space frm Sept 19-24
2. I do not want to spend every single evening she is in my building with her.
3. I like my space, love my alone time and want to spend my time after I’m done my 9-5 job working on my business (esp with all the great momentum I’ve built in Aug, I know I’m on the right track!)

But she will not love any of this. I know that adults can behave how they want to and she can be upset by all of this, and there is a large part of me feels guilty (as in, why don’t you want to spend all that time with your mom? She’s your mom, you rarely see her, your brother has spent the last 3 months with her and he doesn’t have issues, etc etc). I know there is work here too and I’m hoping I can be coached live soon by you on this! But I’d love help today in having this conversation with her BEFORE I am in a situation where I am seething and frustrated and angry.

How do I go about having this conversation? I’m ready, I’m nervous but I’m ready to stop taking such a passive and reactive role in this relationship.

Thank you so so much!