My family is split in regard to sexual abuse allegations my sister brought to my father over 30 years ago. The 2 oldest siblings continue to want to revisit everything that happened and how hurtful it was to my parents and how it ruined our family. The middle sibling was hospitalized in an incest survivor unit due to suicidal attempts, withdrew contact from the family. That leaves one sister who practices buddhism and myself.
My 2 oldest siblings rant about how fake and woo woo my sister is. They get facts wrong via my mom which makes them full of rage. They will not talk to that sister unless she apologizes for ruining our family and limit her access to my mom. I listen and encourage everyone to speak directly to each other and say the blame can’t be placed on one person and I apologize for my part in it. That feels clean. However, I am wondering why I feel like a lier when I hear my brother raging about my sisters actions and I don’t challenge him.
I don’t think it is healthy for my to try to explain and defend my sisters, I just try to valid people’s feelings and encourage them to speak to each other which they refuse to do. They will not be in the same room. I wonder if I share what each is saying as a middle man if that would be a bridge to their healing or me violating boundaries, or-me just being my usual peace maker. I can see goodness in each of them but I feel like a lier when I just say ” wow, you seem so angry, ” instead of ” well that’s not the way so and so told me events happened”.
ThPeople perceive the same events completely different . To be open to both sides and loving both sides feels crazy making. I feel pulled into both camps and yet my belief remains solid with one side, the side of the victim. Am I a fake to maintain a relationship with the other siblings who are adamant there was no possibility of abuse and these sisters just have mental health issues? How does one deal with such strong divisions and love both sides? Is that being fake? Is it possible? Is it healthy?