I moved in with my boyfriend about a year and a half ago, we have been dating for about two years. For the first couple months of living together, I slept in his bed with him, but since there was a guest room, I started sleeping there because of his snoring. It is loud, I do not get restful sleep, I have tried ear plugs and they work short-term like if we’re going camping for a week and I have to sleep with him then, but long-term, they make my ears ache all throughout the day, it distracts me from my work, and makes me worry about long-term ear damage.
This is a problem for me that we sleep in separate beds because my thought is I should be able to sleep in the same bed as him, even if he snores, and I should wake up rested.
We are thinking about moving into his cabin, and it won’t be as spacious as this house and in order to make that happen, we will need to sleep in the same bed (even if we slept in separate beds, it’s basically an open floor plan and it would be pointless to sleep in separate BEDS/bedrooms because there’s no other closed off rooms/hearing the snoring is unavoidable in this situation without going through drastic measures).
My sleep is important to me, to manage my ADHD, keep me focused and alert throughout the day, is a priority in my weight loss, and also helps improve my overall health and grave’s disease symptoms.
Without restful sleep (as defined by not waking up more than once per night due to hearing his snoring, getting at least 8-10 hours of sleep per night, waking up feeling PHYSICALLY recharged, feeling alert throughout the next day), important areas of my life suffer.
I can’t live my life properly/adequately/fully/healthfully unless I prioritize my sleep.
Also, I hate the sound of snoring.
It also triggers thoughts I have about myself that produce shame like I am broken because I can’t listen to snoring and sleep through it throughout the night.
I would love to be able to feel physical connection through snuggling with him in the same bed at night.
Some other reasons I would want to do this, but I’m conscious around how I don’t actually really like the following reasons that much:
– He would feel better if I slept in the same bed as him.
– He won’t have to feel as much shame about his girlfriend not sleeping in the same bed with him.
– If I can get over this snoring issue, then we can move out of this house and into the cabin [this house has some of his family’s stuff in it and it’s a complicated living situation given that his farm owns it, he “rents” it from the farm, and basically his brothers are my landlords and it’s a long story, but moving into the cabin that neil owns would alleviate a lot of family drama]
– If I can get over this snoring issue, he might be more likely to marry me, which I would like.
Overall, I almost don’t even like my reasons for wanting to sleep in the same bed as him that much other than the fact that we might be able to move to the cabin if I can get over this issue and figure out a way to a) not feel so much shame around sleeping in different beds, b) move into the cabin together which would mean our relationship is moving forward, maybe we are closer to getting married.
Maybe the only reason I want to do this is because I think he will be more likely to marry me, then I can feel love, belonging, worthy.
Would love a coach to mirror some of my thinking back to me here. Thank you so much coaches.