I am really stuck feeling angry at my boyfriend of 8 months.
I have been in physical therapy for six months. Both my therapist and I wear N95 masks. I go to physical therapy twice a month. When Covid started my boyfriend and I discussed how much time we should wait after my physical therapy sessions to get together and he said that we’re both wearing masks he felt the risk was low, and we see each other regularly and spend most weekends together.
An hour before he was supposed to come over on Tuesday , he said that he’s been reading a lot of information online, and now has a greater sense of fear from the risk and wants to wait at least a 8-10 days after I have physical therapy to see each other. I felt blindsided. Given our work schedules, this will greatly reduce the amount of time we can see each other. This is coming at a time when I am under pressure at work and would have really appreciated his support. My thinking around this has me feeling angry, rejected, frustrated.
So clearly my “manual” for him is that he shouldn’t change his mind, should include me in the decision, should not have sprung it on me an hour before he was supposed to see me, and should be more acknowledging of the impact on me, Should’ve had a plan of how we will manage this going forward.
I did a download of my thinking on this and it’s a list of things he is not doing:
Not thinking of the impact on me, not caring how I feel, not supporting me at a really challenging time, letting himself be swayed by a couple of overinflated blog posts, not willing to examine additional data, not wanting to spend time with me, not willing to partner with me on how we can put together a schedule that serves both.
Those thoughts make me feel angry, disconnected sad and my actions are that I want to pull away and feel disconnected and I struggle to stay focused and buffer.
The feelings I would prefer to have are to feel calm, connected, patient and generous.
What thought I could think to get me there? Or to even get me to neutral?
If seems as if a part of me wants to keep thinking that he’s being unfair and unkind. when I try thinking other things to feel better it just feels like it’s still not enough.
he’s entitled to his fears and it’s ok,
I want hold space and care about the fears of somebody I love.
It’s okay That we want different things right now
We can find other ways of staying connected
This will give me extra time to do projects I’ve been putting off
When we get together it’ll be extra fun and romantic
He is great guy who typically Shows you he’s committed and cares with his words and actions
And none of those thoughts are strong enough to make me feel differently, it’s like there’s another voice in my head saying bullshit, he’s being unfair, and he changed the rules at the last minute and isn’t even trying to partner with you to to sort out when you’ll see each other again. It has me questioning if I even want to stay in this relationship.
I let myself feel sad and angry For the last several days and it’s not getting better. The alternative things to think aren’t working for me.
Right now, I just want to not feel angry so I can center myself, get through my workday, and then take some time to figure out what my needs are right now and how to meet them myself.
How can I clean up and change my thinking?