C: Dan (new boyfriend of approx one month) has not answered my call or text
T: He has learned who I really am, seen my true colors and doesn’t like me anymore. He’s done with me.
F: Shame, anxiety
A: Mostly I buffer. I binge watched about 5 hours of scholars calls, I took careful notes, I did some models. I check my phone a lot, I tell myself stories about what I could have done wrong, and I start to get thoughts about being alone and having to date again.
R: I don’t actually feel the shame all the way through, and continue to keep the vibration stuck in my body.
A few questions:
How long am I supposed to spend with this shame feeling? I can recognize it fast, and can see that “I can see that maybe he’s decided that he doesn’t like me is one reason he’s not gotten back to me, but other options could be possible too”. I can see this thought pretty quickly and grab it. Do I need to sit with the shame?
Also importantly, the action of my rumination causes a fear response. I get feelings of dread when I think that “he’s going to break up with me and I’m going to have to go back to dating”. Do I just simply do another model on that?
I feel like I could spend the entire day just doing model after model after model. How does one engage fully with this work and still LIVE?