Boyfriend looking for a job, I’m supporting us both


My boyfriend moved from a different state to be with me. He’s an attorney and licensed in his home state and one other, but not in the one in which we currently live. He worked for the government for 15 years and didn’t love it, and now he wants to move to corporate. He’s sent out dozens of applications and has had only one interview. He’s not that focused with what he wants to do and says he wants to keep his job search general. I’m supporting us both while he looks, and it’s been about two months. I’m expecting that the process will take time. I get upset because I don’t feel like he’s focused and energetic enough with his search. I wish he had more direction. I know I feel that way because I want to feel better about being the breadwinner and having the roles reversed for now. I also want to feel safe, and I feel like him having more confidence and direction would make me feel that way. It’s a big ask considering he’s brand new here and knows no one. He needs my support and encouragement, not my doubt.

The problem is, I think his desire to be general counsel after literally never working in a single business over his law career is a pipe dream. It wouldn’t be if he had the right mindset, but I don’t see that go-getter attitude he will need in order to dazzle his way into a company even though he has no prior experience. The confidence isn’t emanating from him. I don’t want to support him indefinitely. Also, I find him to be a little sheltered – he’s always gone for the job that’s easy to get and in front of him, so he’s never had to figure out a way to truly get something that’s harder to get. I’m worried he’s not going to find work here with this attitude. If it was an absolute necessity to figure out how to get the job, he would have it, but I don’t see that fire in him and I worry that me supporting him isn’t helping him get out there more aggressively. Right now, he sits behind a computer sending out resumes and not talking to anyone in person who might be able to pull some strings for him. I said he’ll need to persuade himself that he’s hirable in order to persuade someone else. I don’t think he has the slightest clue what I mean by that. He’s also a little shy about networking. I don’t see him doing what he needs to do in order to get the job he wants. It’s a heavy lift and I don’t see him lifting very well. I know this is all my manual, and I’m having trouble figuring out what’s an appropriate boundary to set while maintaining a supportive stance toward him.