Boyfriend says words 3

Answers to coaching questions…

“Now, how will you implement these new intentional thoughts into your life?”
I will practice these thoughts by writing them down and remembering them when I am feeling challenged.

“How will you remember them and remind yourself to think them on purpose?”
I will make a list of these thoughts and put them on the notes app on my phone so I can easily reference them. I will share some of these thoughts with R regarding my preferences and desires, keeping in mind that he gets to choose his thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Our relationship
I care about my boyfriend and we have a real connection.
I can think clearly about the reality of our relationship.
Challenges in this relationship can help me grow.
I desire a loving, long-term, monogamous relationship.
I want to participate in a relationship based in trust, mutual respect, kindness, and spiritual growth.
I can have healthy boundaries within a romantic relationship.
I am strong enough and self-aware enough to leave this relationship if that is what I decide to do.
I believe that I don’t have to be the one to leave first, but I can if I want to.

About R
R cares about me and is doing his best at the moment.
He is entitled to his own thoughts and feelings.
R has opinions that are his own and they do not define or impact me.

About myself
I want to redefine freedom and relearn what brings me joy; I believe this will enable me to be a better partner and friend.
I can be happy and unhappy and still be myself.
I am continuing to evolve in my awareness.
I can learn to feel uncomfortable feelings with less judgment.
I am learning to love and trust myself to do what is best for me.
I can practice being easier on myself and my boyfriend.
I want to be financially independent and secure.
I believe in myself and my ability to thrive in or out of a romantic relationship.
I believe that I can have a loving, lasting relationship, a job that pays me more than enough money, and amazing relationships with my family and friends all at the same time.

Two questions came up for me.

1) The first is about allowing negative feelings. I feel like I have been fighting negative thoughts and feelings since I started thoughtwork. Does allowing negative feelings include allowing negative thoughts? Becoming more aware of them, but not indulging in or repeating them unnecessarily? I feel like sometimes I am batting down or pushing down negative thoughts and it kind of backfires.

2) I feel like I have been doing thought work in response to crises in my life. When I started thought work, my daughter was severely depressed and was struggling in school. My adult son is chronically ill and was unemployed and living with me or family members for 5 years. I have chronic back pain, anxiety, and insomnia. I was fired from a job I wanted to keep and I was unemployed for several months two times over the last two years. I have a relationship with highs and lows, so sometimes I think we are going to break up at any time.

This week: I have a new job that pays me more than enough money. I feel pretty certain my relationship is not imminently ending. My daughter has recovered from her depression, seems really happy, has a job she likes okay, and just graduated high school. My son is in remission, started a new job that pays him really well, and just moved into a new apartment. My back is better and I’m learning to live with my anxiety and insomnia. It’s like most of my problems are somewhat resolved, and I’m doing OK. I think a lot of my motivation for thought work is in response to things I don’t like, and I feel like there is a next level I want to get to where I’m doing thought work in order to be awesome. πŸ™‚

Thanks for the coaching.