Boyfriend says words 7

Response to coaching:

“As a human being on this planet, you are inherently worthy. Your worth is not something that can be earned or taken away. It simply is. You always have been and always will be 100% worthy.”

Thanks for the clarification. I think in the past I have measured my worth based upon my job, the amount of money I’m making, if my kids are doing well, and the perceived quality of my partner and/or relationship (and if my family approves if me, but that has changed with coaching). Any tips on how to shift this habit, please let me know.

“When others fail to honor your worthiness, that is a reflection of them and not a true reflection of your worth.”
I want to believe this too. I have a habit of believing that if I am worthy, others will treat me well. I know this is not true. I am in a relationship where I think my partner is not treating me well. (Going on dates with other people after I asked him not to, telling me he doesn’t want a long term relationship, not wanting to stop seeing me, criticizing me repeatedly.)

“If you fully believed that you were unconditionally worthy, what decisions would you make about your relationship with R?”
I think I would stop treating the relationship as so precious. And stop beating myself up about things not going the way I want. He has free will and decides what he does. His actions are from his model, not from anything I have done or thought. I would not disrespect him or indulge in a lot of anger, like I do out of frustration and wanting to control him. I would realize that there are lots of other options for relationships out there.

I think I would also stop blaming myself for his actions, and for being in the relationship. And stop blaming him for his words and actions. If I had more perspective, my emotional response would be more balanced. I would not just ignore, smooth things over, hold resentment, or do what he wants in the moment. I would be open to making a powerful decision about leaving or staying in the relationship, instead of being on the fence all the time.

“What would you do differently if you fully owned and valued that your wants and needs are worthy of being honored in a relationship?”
I don’t think I’ve ever had that in a romantic relationship, except maybe my marriage, in which I was unhappy and left him. I’ve kind of given up on it. I think I am too old, and not good enough or attractive enough to have a great parter, much less a loyal one. I am going to work on being open to this possibility. I think I would be less apologetic, and better able to make decisions for my own wellbeing and happiness.