I have a thought often that causes me pain — it is that my boyfriend is judging me. In addition to that, he is judging me and finding me to be weak and incompetent. I’ve done some thought work around this and my logical brain knows this is about him and not me. He has issues from his childhood that cause him to judge many people harshly – even himself. I also genuinely think he is on the autism spectrum. That said, I am at a loss around how to model this because often I believe that I am weak and incompetent. His disapproving looks and cold body language trigger me to think this thought. How can I separate my own negative beliefs about myself from my boyfriend’s behavior. I think the key is working on those beliefs and then somehow thinking something differently when he looks at me that way, but I’m not sure what. I know this is a bit ambiguous but anything you can suggest to unravel it would be great! Here are some of the models I’ve done:
C – Boyfriend doesn’t smile for 2 days and doesn’t talk
T – He thinks I am incompetent and disappointing
F – Ashamed
A – Avoid him, buffer with food
R – My self esteem doesn’t get better and neither does my relationship (I disconnect more from myself as well as from him)

New model:
C – Boyfriend doesn’t smile for 2 days and doesn’t talk
T – ??? (In the past I have tried thinking “He has communication issues that have nothing to do with me.” but that doesn’t seem super helpful…

Here is what I’m really trying to solve for…
C – Boyfriend doesn’t smile for 2 days and doesn’t talk
T –
F –
A –
R – Love myself no matter what his behavior is. Be able to have a sense of humor about this and shrug off when he acts strange.

Thanks!
Stephanie