Breaking protocol

Hi Brooke,

I saw it coming. I even did thought downloads and models to try and prevent it, but I broke my protocol yesterday. It revolved around a celebration, my partner’s grad party we were hosting. All day yesterday I felt this gnawing hunger that didn’t go away with my on-protocol lunch. It was emotional hunger that I couldn’t chase away no matter how hard I tried.
When I did the thought downloads I came to an understanding that I didn’t want to host this party. I’m tired of hosting and doing all the work for others. I didn’t want to spend the money it took. BUT I wanted to make it special for my partner and she really wanted to host the party. It was all very last-minute , so I didn’t have much of a say anyways… I went along and felt resentful. I tried and change that but it just wouldn’t go away. I didn’t want to ruin her day, so I pushed it down.
When it came time for the party I had the usual arguments with myself and eating won out. I feel so disappointed in myself, after all, I have only been on protocol for 19 days.
I can see more of these circumstances in my near future and I want to be better prepared next time. I would appreciate your advice.