Breakup emotions

My boyfriend and I were together for about 3.5 years. We broke up 2x during that period, once for two weeks and once for two months. I drove to his house (1.5 hours) three weeks ago to go out for birthday lunch, (not on my actual birthday). We got in an argument on the way. He said he wanted to break up and asked me to leave. I said fine and drove back. He texted me to drive back by 11pm or he would block me. I said no and he blocked me on FB and Instagram, and phone, I think. I emailed him a couple of times to check in, and he responded each time. This time he said he unblocked me and just needed time to center himself.

TD: I am 46 years old, I shouldn’t be experiencing this. He is just a jerk, I don’t have to put up with this. I miss him. I am angry with him. I don’t want to go through this again. I can’t control what he does. I can only control what I do.

I feel upset, sad, but also angry with him. My body feels like it is pulsing with emotion. Like a mix of endorphins and emotional upset.

C: R blocked and unblocked me
T: This shouldn’t be happening
F: Frustration, anger
A: Lay in my bed and feel my feelings, eat food and drink hot chocolate, think about him and what his actions may or may not mean, think about my options and what I should or shouldn’t do, watch TV or coaching videos, don’t care for myself, don’t relax, don’t reach out to others
R: I create the experience of resisting reality