Bridge thoughs – AG

Hi Brooke,
I may need some help to figure out bridge though or next step.
I really believe that I can achieve and have everything what really want when I’m truly aligned with it. At the same time, I just discovered, that I have follow through:
I shouldn’t ask for stuff (fit body, money, etc)
I shouldn’t want to feel good..
I don’t deserve to have what I want…
I don’t deserve to be happy…
Good people don’t want stuff (I don’t even know where this come from)
These though make me feel:
pain, sadness, resignation, powerless frustration, grief.
I think these beliefs and feelings can explain why I sabotaged myself in the past.
As a result I got depressed (I’m not depressed at this moment), developed eating disorder. I am definitely not living to my full potential.

I’m in process of discovering better thoughs. At this moment I can’t think of any.
I want to believe that I can want and I deserve things. I’m not there yet I’m still processing the pain.
Any suggestions?

Thank you!