I have spent new year’s eve with my parents, husband and children. I am still triggered by seeing my parents (emotional abuse in childhood).
I have found the bridge thought ” maybe I can forgive someday” that helped during that evening. Also “I can be more polite since they have come to see us”, “I am the one feeling the resistance in my stomach when speaking to them”.
But my mother said to me something like “Time passes by fast” and “it was a long time since we saw” and “you will call us” ?
I can’t manage my guilt right now. They don’t know I am seeing an emdr therapist for 3 years and that I was a mess 3 years ago. I decided to keep on seeing them, that there was no point in not speaking ever to them, and I want to see my mother. But I am not able to love them and see them as if nothing had happened right now, I haven’t fully recovered from trauma.
My UM is :
C. Mother says words about seeing each other and time passes by quickly
T. I should reach out to them more often before they die
A. Spin in thoughts, feel anxiousness, guilt, can’t find a solution to overcome the trauma and be normal with them, think and am not totally present with my family
R. I am dying inside ?
T. I have not yet recovered fully and don’t want to see my father too often
F. Protective (of myself)
A. I don’t force myself to see them more often, I do what I can stand, i take advise from my therapist and my husband, maybe i call my mother alone more often, i still can’t resolve the dilemma right now and that’s ok
R. I take the time to recover
Thank you for your advice