bridge thoughts (RD) (Part 2)

Follow-up comments and questions to your response.
Happened to me vs. happened for me- in the past I have been able to get to ‘happened for me’ but only after a long time. I’m now learning that I prolonged the pain, because I was resisting feeling my emotions. Funny it was always easier to get to “happened for me” when it was positive. Learning there is no picking and choosing. LOL
Victim- This is something I am working on. Learning to just accept people and the past and allowing them to be what they are. Guess the accepting that everything “happened for me”; no matter how painful will help. I am also working on anger and resentment and believe they are linked to the victim mentality. Do you have additional pearls of wisdom that can help me overcome the victim mentality? I listened to the podcasts and did some Byron Katie work, but could do more work.
I was always strong, always going to do good things and always going to help women become best versions of themselves – If I truly believe that, what is the motivation to improve, learn more or do the work? If that is the case, why the trails and tests to make sure I learnt things, like feeling my emotions? Right now the motivation to feel my emotions is so I can weigh less and fit in my size six clothes. I know I will have size six problems, but I will be in a different place. Oh I think I got it, I will have problems but new problems to figure out, new trials and test to overcome and win at.
Other shoe dropping- just to make sure I understand; I don’t prevent the other shoe from dropping, I just accept it for what it is, know/notice what thought I’m telling myself, feel any emotion the thought is bringing up and never change the thought?
A few questions about my understanding of what to do with thoughts:
1. When do we just allow our thoughts and the related emotions and not push them away? I currently think it’s when we are dealing with our past, other adults and reality. Or is it always? What if I can change it?
2. When do we do thought models and try to change our thought? When it’s how we see ourselves and neutral circumstances?
3. When do we just accept things as they are and allow it without changing our thoughts? Reality, past and other people? What if it’s a circumstance we can change? For example my weight, is 159 now and was 197 once and will be 130 soon. Are they all different circumstances or just one that has changed?
I am a recovering control freak and want to make sure I understand what to allow, accept and what I can change, if anything.
I truly appreciate all you do